Should gay youth go on a mission?
I'm 17 years old and gay. Should I go on an LDS mission? NOTE: Due to human error, we accidentally erased last week's postings on this important topic. For this we apologize. Please consider posting again.
posted by Affirmation at 1:25 PM
38 Comments:
It depends if you are gay and acting upon it. It is one thing to fight with same sex attration. It is another to act upon it. If you can answer all of the Temple Recomend questions honestly than you should go.
No. How you run your life is your own business. However, if you intend to represent the Church, and purport to spread its "message", then that requires that you accept the Church's teachings. The teachings hold that your lifestyle choice and beliefs are wrong. As such, you cannot honestly represent the Church. This is not an issue of whether or not your personal beliefs are wrong or right. Rather, it is an issue of accepting the rules and regulations of the organization that you wish to represent and belong to. If you do not accept those teachings then you should have the courage of your convictions and be independent, i.e. leave the Church. How could you honestly preach the teachings that hold homosexuality as wrong, when you are a homosexual. Tad hypocritical don't you think?
This is a very interesting question. When I was in College, I was introduced to the Church by my professor and his wife. I took to the teachings, doctrines with my full heart.
I was baptized and will never forget my feelings of newness, hope fulfilled and I too wanted to go to do 'The errand for the Lord'. The only trouble I could never overcome was knowing i was gay and how do I reconcile this with the Church, and my Lord. I found i couldn't under the present doctrines and my attempt to be true to myself. While i kept this to myself I eventualy decided not to go on a mission-
I certainly understand why one would think that going on a mission would be just one of the best spiritual experiences..I do think ANONYMOUS makes a clear point that I arrived at 15 years ago. I decided not to go on a mission, partly as a decided that I couldn't go and teach the Church's teachings where i felt that internal conflict. A Mission is not a political opportunity rather a spiritual device. I miss the Church but i do hold in my heart doctrines, and the Book of Mormon and keep in mind that my relationship with God and the Church's Scriptures are secured. Just a thought.
I am privileged I am English living in europe I "married" my partner of twenty years with our adopted adult daughters as witnesses. Our adopted twelve year old and five year old were the helpful helpers...so it was a family affair.
If you are sure you are gay do not go on a mission it will screw your mind up. Love God by going to a school were you can be gay and accept your God given natural feelings as something to respect. What moral code you apply to your actions and behaviour is personal. America is getting there slowly and its patchy.
The most sacred act I ever did was to accept myself as God created me and live my life with integrity.
All the lies and deciet gone I became truly the child of God I was intended to be.
God bless you young person.
from ;'Olde English'
Being someone who has had these feelings of same sex attraction I can honestly say the best thing I can do is serve a mission as long as I am ready (I am soon to be 18 and want nothing more than to serve a mission). Honestly people get real you know in your heart the church is true (you've most likely said that phrase) and that Jesus Christ died for us and his Atonement will save us...I believe it was the Prophet Joseph Smith who said "things which pertain to our religion are only appendages to it". "It" is the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Most people I have come to know who have the same conflict of being Mormon or being gay choose to be gay yet they believe every other small and simple truth and doctrine of which The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' Gospel entails. What makes the doctrine, of homosexuality to be wrong, any different? Why do people think that? I don't know. But I do know that there are more important things than uninhibited thought for the same sex. (Sorry for getting off topic) Please have an eternal perspective and read the Book of Mormon it will change your life. Love Shane
I have never responded to any blog before, but when I the question, I was sure I wanted to respond.
I returned from my mission one year ago. Even though I am attracted to men I decided to go because I had a testimony of the Book of Mormon, and that Joseph Smith saw God the Father and Jesus Christ.
Going on a mission is a very serious decision. I prayed for strength and did everything in my power to live according to the gospel.
I can honestly say that during my mission, I did not even have any sexual thoughts or actions. The mission was the MOST amazing experience that I ever had. And, I therefore highly recommend it. I can not adequately express in words what I learned and got out of the mission, but it truly was amazing.
But as a warning… if you don’t have a testimony, or think that you will be unable to control yourself for two years… please don’t go.
I did, I was able to, and I don’t regret it. But making a mistake, and hurting yourself or someone else during the mission would be an absolute tragedy. I have seen it happen before, and it is better to avoid that type of problem all together.
Now I am living my life a certain way now that may differ from my mission. But I still do not regret nor take back what I said and did as a missionary. I still stand by it, and I know that it was the correct thing for me to do.
I suggest you pray, and honestly think about serving, and you will receive an answer. But be prepared for trials and live your mission accordingly. As a missionary 100% obedience is the key to survival, even more-so for a gay missionary.
It is possible, but your choice entirely.
You should go on a mission. I am not Mormon but have been considering joining the church. I have been with both men and women, and to tell the truth, I find I am more attracted to men. This is not a choice; this is not something anybody would chose. This is the way I am. It is the way God made me.
Your attraction to men does not, in any way, diminish the role of God or your religion in your life. I find that Mormons have the strongest most genuine bond to their religion - gay or not. If you feel strong enough about your mission and the message that you will spread, then go. If you can help others on the mission you should go.
Do what you feel is right, but in my opinion if you are already sure you are gay at 17, living 24/7 with another young male (maybe a really cute one) would put unnecessary strain and temptation in your way and you would not be able to be a very good missionary. I didn't figure out I was gay until I got home from a mission. Even then, it was kind of difficult to deal with one companion who liked to spend as much time as possible naked.
Don't take this the wrong way. I ran into this site, saw this blog, and couldn't resist. I am a byu grad and I did not go on a mission. Whether you go is up to you, and many people go and it is a positive experience, even though they are gay and or leave the church.
Having said that, I broke with the mormon church 10 years ago at byu and it is the best decision I have ever made with my life. NOT going on a mission and having to deal with all the "you're 20?" conversations at byu was no fun at all, but in the end that decision sealed the deal for me. I know a lot of other people who are still struggling to reconcile the fact that they are gay or the fact that they are not "believers" with the fact that they have dedicated so much of their life to the church. Look any religion is true if you believe it. Just recently this (very christian) guy I went to law school with came out and his way of dealing with his religious beliefs was to conclude that God is punishing him. The lies we tell ourselves.
I agree with rc and think you should go if you're ready...if rc happends to come on here it would be awesome if he would e-mail me at markmissinthemark@yahoo.com I plan to serve a mission and need all the help I can get. thank you (although this will probably get deleted)
Whatever man... I am in love with an Rm... and he loves me too... the only thing that is in the way are the fam... that bugs me a whole lot... He told me one night while lying down next to each other that he would only get married because it is what his parents would be fine with... Um, I do not know but I would not go on a mission. I know that I will not be able to control my thoughts. At least that is what I am thinking. I am too meshed with this guy I cannot go back and live him to deal with his family. Afterall, he needs my support!
I'm sorry, but I can't believe that you, or anyone, would consider going on a mission if you don't believe the teachings of the church. If you are gay, and you think that God made you that way, then you don't believe in the church and don't have the testimony that you claim to have. The ONLY thing that you should consider in this matter is, do I believe in the church or don't I. If you do, then you will forsake the notion that you are gay and work hard to do the right thing. If you are determined to be gay, then, whether you like it or not, you don't believe the teachings of the church. Don't go, it wouldn't be fair to you, to the people in the mission field, nor to God.
First blog for me..I was googling for something else, saw this link and read away. When I saw the last post from anonymous (1:10 pm) that alluded rather strongly that if your gay you cannot have a testimony I had to post. I am the bishop of a University ward (not BYU) who has a couple of men who I am confident are gay. By gay I mean they are attracted to other men and are not strongly attracted to women. However, they are not acting on these feelings, have both served honerable missions and both have significant leadership positions in my ward. I don't know what awaits them as life progresses but know that they have, so far, been able to be solid members of the church, serving to the best of their abilities.
In my opinion, this is a decision that NEEDS to be made in conjunction with your bishop and stake president. If you try to negotiate your activity in the church with being attracted to other men on your own you will loose. there are a number of resources availble to those who are struggling with these issues and I believe the church is really trying to reach out.
Good luck.
Some comments i do not agree with. I am a gay man in the Mormon church and i have a strong testimony of Heavenly father and his son and i believe that go is the only one who can judge you. Personally i would have loved to go on a mission because that would have strengthened my relationship more with heavenly father and our savior. I believe that heavenly father gave us the right to be who we are and to love one another for our differences but there is so much hate right now in the world that its only making satans job easier. I cannot waite till that day when i am standing in front of heavenly father and his son and i learn the truth of things that were mysterious on the earth today..........
If you will take my humble advice, please DO NOT go on a mission. I think you will find it a rather uncomfortable experience, after all you will have to pretend to be something you are not and that can be very frustrating. I get the impression from your post that you have already decided what your sexual orientation is, therefore I think it might stunt your progress as a gay mormon to start hiding the real you from others and engaging in deception just for the experience of going on a mission with someone.
Imagine what happens if you get found out? You will be subjected to a certain amount of humiliation and stress which will certainly do you and your morale no good in the short term, or perhaps even the long term. Be around people who support you and accept you as you are, the conventional LDS Churches will aggressively try to convert you and attempt to get you to change your ways.
I'm sure you are a nice person and I would hate to see you distracted from your spirituality by a mistake that could possibly lead to you experiencing prejudice and strong pressure to repent and change your life to suit somebody else.
Jesus Christ loves everyone of us unconditionally-if you LOVE someone UNCONDITIONALLY, you love them for who they are and not who you WANT them to be. Jesus loves you, just as you are. As a gay person, a human being who has made a choice to be true to himself and not live a lie.
I hope that helps you. Pray to God for guidance if you wish to come to a wise decision on this matter. May the Lord Jesus be with you whatever you decide.
I went on a mission...I had a testimony of the churh 5 years, 8th-12th grade, of getting up at 5am for early morning seminary...But choose to wait till I was 21 to go on my mission due to finacial reasons. On my mission is when I found out about my true self...I'M GAY!! I had some really good looking companions... and I woke up earlier then my companions so I could take a cold shower and get rid of the thoughts and the morning wood from thinkig about my companions. I chose to talk to the mission President about the thoughs I was having.. I was sent to SLC, I was serving in London, England, to start "Therapy" which lasted another 2 months then I choose to be sent home after 7 months... I was treated just like Aaron Davis in "Latter Days" I even had 2 sucicide attempts......So if it were up to me I would tell you to NOT go...it will I believe save a lot of emotional anguish. But thats just my story yours might be diffrent.. This is only my oppinion.
Reed M.
Okay. Leave the church. I am bisexual and I have left. There are lds branches that support gays. There are not out here but I am working very hard to change that. I would disassociate yourself completely. Why would you go on a mission and then people would learn the teachings of the church and would be against homosexuality as well? email me at hypermike14@hotmail.com Good luck and God bless you in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen
Yes and no.
As someone responded near the beginning, being gay is something that you have to deal with, for sometimes your whole life, but that does not make you a bad person. It is not a contradiction to be gay and in the church either, as someone said falsely. THe lord loves us all, not just heterosexuals. The lord does not condemn a person for being gay, but he condemns the act of homosexuality. You are not broken. If you have control over your feelings and can control yourself, please go. President Hinckley said that all young men capable of going should go. I struggle with this, but I was able to control it and it was the most rewarding experience in my life. I didn't feel hypocritical either as someone said you would. You won't if you're following the lord's teachings. I can promise you that if you're worthy it will be the best experience in your life if you let it.
no sir. sorry i am LDS to and i dont think you should serve a mission. god has stated in the scriptures that same sex marriage and gay people that choose to be gay is a sin and all evil. that is just a summarization. you are to me at least not worthy to serve a mission. you could choose to not be gay and then serve a mission. but evil and good cannot be under the same roof. it is just not possible and plus what kind of example would you be setting for those that your gay? you might as well say, "hi i am elder bob and i am gay". its wrong,
"Being" gay is not a sin. We all have our issues, and same sex attraction is something some of us have to deal with. Acting on homosexual thoughts,however, is a sin. If you're not acting on it, GO and Serve the Lord. He knows you, and He knows your strengths as well as your struggles. Trust me, I served a mission and fight with these same temptations. But I have also experienced some amazing life lessons-- one of them being to love thy neighbor, and the Lord. I don't know why some of us have to deal with this issue-- it's heartwrenching. But neither does President Hinckley. When asked if same sex attraction was a choice or genetic, he stated that he did not know, he was not a psychologist. We just don't know. But that's ok. Just do what you know is right. Make life as great as it can be and I know your deep sincerity will help lead Heavenly Father's children to the gospel. There are people the Lord wants you and only you to teach. I know that. God bless.
Don't go, Don't go, unless you just want the travel experience and a free ride for two years, not being who you really are. As a gay youth, you are not accepted by the organization that you are part of, they judge you and site scripture, even though those scriptures instruct them not to judge. I hold fond memories of the church and my youth, but it is a very unforgiving place for anyone that doesn't fit the cookie cutter mold. You have several tough years ahead of you, remember that there a thousands of mormon 'sinners' out there, living good and whole lives.
I served a mission almost 10 years ago and I don't regret that decision - at least not entirely. I believe it was a good experience for me in a lot of ways, but being gay (and knowing it) made it more difficult than I expected.
A big part of me feels I should not have gone. It will be stressful if you don't go - but that stress will be much worse if you DO go. Trust me. I do want to add that you should not feel shame or guilt about being gay. That is no way to live. I did that for way too long. Life is too short - please don't waste it. I met a man just the other day who is a stake president and also in his late sixties. He just came out as gay. I mention this to assure you that your homosexuality is not something you can wish (or pray) away. This is the second reason I discourage you from a mission, because it would only delay the steps you must take to embrace who you really are. Having said all of that, I do think you should go if you genuinely feel its right for you. But don't do it because family or Church leaders pressure you to do it.
No please don't as by your actions as a missionary you will be living a lie, which will deceive other young guys who are too often just attracted to the the church by 2 good looking young men, in white shirts and a smart suit, as was i. Then after 30+ years of trying to hide my feelings for the love of same sex, i almost took my life. Be true to yourelf, don't try to be someone you are not, if you must have religion, go elsewhere and free yourself from this hideous religion, that scews up peoples lives.
No.
You cannot teach the gospel with honesty and integrity of you are gay. The gospel teaches that homosexuality is wrong. Acting on it or not makes no differance. It's also unfair to your companions to first off have to share a room with a gay companion if they don't want to and second to not have a companion that is honest.
No you can't answer honestly the temple recommend questions if you are gay.
The previous posting contains two major errors:
1. There is no temple recommend question where you're asked if you're gay, so no one will ask you. They will only ask you if you keep the law of chastity as defined by the LDS Church.
2. The blogger wrote that "acting on it makes no difference". According to Church leaders, it makes ALL THE DIFFERENCE!
I think it's a bad idea for a gay Mormon to serve a mission, but not for the reasons posted in the previous message.
You can be openly gay in the mormon church and if not active sexually, you are breaking no covenants (refer to their most recent publications). You can go on a mission.
PS: I went on a mission and there were more problems with male/female relations that there ever were with gay missionaries.
Any gay member who can answer all the questions for their recommend, is living according to the Church is worthy to go on a mission and is not living a lie.
Of course, who would want to go on a mission where their church just a few years ago advocated physical methods to rehab gays, called them damned to hell until recently, etc.
Basically you would be representing a hypocritical church in my opinion. But you can go.
One person says you cant get a recommend if you are gay. they are sadly misinformed and have not read the most recent official publications from the church which states that they understand there are gay members. They state BEING gay is NOT a sin. They require gay members to be chaste. The temple question is are you chaste? Chaste is not having a sexual relationship outside marriage. If you are you can go to the temple gay or straight.
But then again why go a mission for a church like the mormon one?
There is no good reason not to go except that you have decided that mission will ruin your live. I am gay and went on mission. Was it hard? Yes! Did it worth the time and experience? Yes!!! At the end of the day, it is up to you. As long as you could control yourself and not getting into any trouble on your mission, you should go. It is worth all you could imagine when you are positive about it. Remember there is a religion all of us live in - Humankind.
I have been going through the same thing, I am 19 and its about time for me to go on a mission. And this has helped me make the decision that I will go on a mission, I know the church is against GBLT, but I love the church and I indeed accept the values it teaches. Thank you so much
Don't go. I tried to reconcile it in my head by not thinking about it too clearly, you know, the whole 'not right for my path now but it was right then' thing. But that time could have been better used getting on with life and fully engaging it in a real, fulfilling way, on your own terms, rather than in the cloistered artificial, insular world of Mormonism (and especially the mission experience).
Your choice - either waste two years chanting D&C 4 or whatever it is to try and fit in with a bunch of people who think you're an abomination, or quit chanting and just listen to the simple fear and simple hope in you and just be a real person. It's so much better and what's worse than being old before you can be yourself and then having a bunch of regret?
That is something that only your Bishop can decide.
This question is personal and there is no one who can make the decision unless it is yourself. There is no one who has commented here that has the right to tell someone else that they should not be able to go on a mission. It is entirely up to YOU as a person.
I have found that there is much negativity towards homosexuality, on both sides of the fence. Since I've known about my sexuality since I was very young (about 9 or so) I have been closeted for most of my life, and even now only a few close friends and my parents know. If someone told me that because I struggled with homosexuality I was not worthy to serve the Lord, I would be frustrated with them. Why? I have lived my life worthy to serve a mission. I have strived from day to day to follow the commandments, and I am just as clean and pure as any other individual in the church who is straight. For some time as I made the decision to serve a mission, I was very worried that I would not be able to control myself. I find individuals of the same sex very attractive, and it's hard not to sometimes, especially since they can dress very immodestly.
But I can tell you with all the fervor of my heart that I believe in and have a testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. When I obey His words and follow His example, I am not led in wrong paths. I know what is right, and I know that the gospel is true, and I believe that I can withstand the wiles and hailstones of Satan, because I know what my weakness is and I rely on the Lord to strengthen me.
The choice is personal, and for those who say that gay youth should not go on missions, I say "Why don't you try to understand gay people?" We are not here to be perverted or disgusting. We do not know why we have feelings for the same sex. Do not discriminate against us because we were given a different trial. In the end, it is only Heavenly Father who can judge our hearts. Only He knows.
Stop the hate.
I agree with the last post...it is up to you but you should discuss it with your bishop if you are struggling with the idea of going or not.
And as far as the temple recommend questions go...there is the one about
is there anything in your life that is not in accordance with the teachings of the church... so if you are gay and you want a physical relationship with someone of the same sex and you act upon it then you can't answer that question truthfully
thx RC for your comment, it is not because you are guay that you can not live the principles you were taught. An active guay in the church is a hero that does his best to follow what he knows is right whatever the price. If you have the desire to go and you are ready to sacrifice your earthly desire, (girls for straights and men for gays) included... you will be a great missionary and hopefully the experiences you will have on the field will give you enought strength to keep on going faithfully. It won't be easy but you will know where to turn to find the strength because you practiced that during your all mission and you set an habit. Good luck
Thanks, RC, for your comments; it is not because you are gay that you cannot live the principles you were taught. An active gay man in the church is a hero that does his best to follow what he knows is right whatever the price. If you have the desire to go and you are ready to sacrifice your earthly desire (girls if you’re a straight guy and men if you’re a gay man), you will be a great missionary and hopefully the experiences you will have on the field will give you enough strength to keep on going faithfully. It won't be easy, but you will know where to turn to find the strength because you practiced that during your all mission and you set a habit. Good luck.
I am gay. I was born this way. I remember I was in kindergarden and had crushes on the other boys in my class. I have been a Member my whole life and I still go to church. I went on a Mission to Japan. I returned Honorably, but it was difficult. It was hard for me to lie to myself. I told myself I wasnt gay but knew I was. I always thaught to myself and told myself that it was just random thaughts in my head that saten was trying to put there, even tho i was always attracted to men and never to women. I was alwas too ashamed to admit it to myself because it was not the churches teaching.
Finaly realizing that there is nothing wrong with me i decited to tell someone. I am now 27 and 6 months ago I came out for the first time. I told my father, who is my Bishop. He was kind and extreamly understanding.
This part is important:
Going on a Mission was the right thing to do!!!! I was worthy and never had sex with a guy because i was too ashamed to admit to my self i was gay. But i was ashamed of my self my whole mission, and that hindered the work for me. I learned so much on my mission tho,(besides japanese lol)!
I learned that got loves us no matter what we are going thru! He wants us to be happy. And serving a mission has deffinatly helped me grow up. Its taught me that i need to follow my heart and go in the dirrection that suits me best and makes me happy, even if that is with another guy.
I will follow my heart. That is the true decider of love and life. Remember being gay is something that we cannot control and we are born with it. However we mormons all know that we will be punished for our own sins and not adams sins. That means we are not born with sin. That also means that having gay feelings is also not a sin but part of our life. We must accept this fact to become strong, so we can be our full potential beings. Does that mean having a partner is wrong. ( Are we realy that condemned from being with someone?) Man is not meant to be alone! I dont want to be lonely my whole life. If your not gay than YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND BECAUSE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH WOMEN IS WELCOME WITH OPEN ARMS!!! I beleive our hearts are the only things that can answer our questions as gays and lesbians. FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND PRAY!
if you feel good about the answers you get than no one can argue with you. No matter what the answers may be. Going on a Mission taught me that.
Go soul searching. go on a journey of experiences that will help strengthen your life for your future as a gay/lesbian. We all need to grow. Go on a mission if you are worthy. Remember straight men and women and gay/lesbians alike all learn in a different way. Your mission is what you make of it.
I am a straight woman raised in the mormon church. I never served a mission and I have not been to sacrament meeting, sunday school or anything else for that matter in years. I believe in many of the tenets of the Mormon church but I struggle constantly with the idea that what I believe in does not support some of the most important people in my life. If you want to go on a mission and you feel you can do it right, then by all means, do it. That is a choice you must make with your Heavenly Father, not your parents,
not your Bishop, not your Sunday School Teacher, but your Heavenly Father. We learn to pray to receive answers and that is what you should do. And after watching Latter Days, I am deeply saddened that the people who have professed to love him for his whole life are going to let him go and have no further contact with him. How ignorant!!! Families are supposed to be forever!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't judge. Talk you to your Heavenly Father and decide with him. It's your life and you are kow what you are capable of.
No. I did and regret it. I would be a much better person had I had the guts to say No Mission!
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